So- I've been thinking.

2011 is going to be my BITCH. Straight up. 

• I will go to the lady doctor about my PMDD (Self diagnosed, but if it's not that then I'm bipolar)
• I will do laundry... more often.
• I will save money
• I will spent saved money on wedding things. (Holy frik- I'm getting MARRIED this year?)
• I will learn more patience with my son. He's only little once.
• I will not ever wax my own eyebrows again. Fucking OW.
• I will do routine tune ups on my car. 
• I will not pick up cigarettes whenever I feel like having one. I rarely finish a pack.
• I will bust out the Just dance game after work.
• I will revel in the fact that I'm off work at 315 everyday.
• I will spend more time with Ryder outside instead of plunking him in front of the TV so I can make dinner.
• I will make healthier dinners- not just what's quick. 
• Speaking of healthy- I will google sneaky healthy recipes I can trick Ryder into eating.
• I will see how much it cost to join weight watchers.
• I will make Chelsea be my buddy on it!! :) 
• I will be healthier for my kid. I don't want him to see me go through the surgery I just watched my mom go through.
• I will read him more than one book at night if he wants.
• All in all- I will embrace what I have while I have it. 

I do love everything I have in my life- my son, my man, my family, my friends, my job... everything, that is, except my car. Goddammit I hate that thing. Sigh

Next year- perhaps I'll get a new car? Fingers crossed!

Ugh.

So, can I just say that I am hung-the-FUCK-over?


Holy crap. Who really needed those extra 4 margaritas? Me- obviously.


We were drinking like high schoolers last night... but obviously getting old means that I do not recover from such festivities like I did in high school.


I feel like 18 different kinds of ass right now. 


And I slept with my engagement ring on, so now I have a perfect mark on my cheek from laying on it, and it's engraved into my finger. Lovely.


I'm gonna try and go feel like I'm not dead now.

Gonna pee my pants!!!

Michael is SO horrible with surprises, and that's cool.

HE'S ON HIS WAY HOME FROM THE AIRPORT!!!!

*insert squeaky girl scream here*

I had a sneaky feeling he was gonna surprise me, he hadn't been calling or texting me very much lately. He's so bad with secrets. (Seriously- don't ever tell him anything!)

About an hour and a half until I'm back in his arms where I'm supposed to be! 

I don't know if I could be any happier. I love that boy.

My day consisted of...

1. Car wouldn't start this morning without multiple attempts and lots of inner cussing

2. Stuck behind a school bus for 80% of my trip to work

3. Almost wrecked in the parking lot due to distracted, rich parents.

4. Boss cornered me saying that we needed to talk about Ryder.

5. Car wouldn't start in parking lot for break until 20 minutes into precious break

6. Forgot spoon for yogurt- subbed with fingers. Gross.

7. Boss wasn't around to talk about Ryder when I got back.

8. Spit up on 6 times in an hour period.

9. Had a child with EXPLOSIVE diarrhea... all the way in his shoes.

10. Called mother of said child to explain that he was in wet shoes.

11. Got bitched at by said mother for having him in wet shoes.

12. Said mother came to bring him shoes.... and left him there to go back to work.

13. Dealt with screaming child. Wanted to scream with him.

14. Got head butted in the lip. Blood.

15. Cleaned the ENTIRE classroom purely to make the clock go faster.

16. Still have 4 kids at 5:30 (When I'm supposed to be out the door)

17. Boss comes in, talks to me for 15 minutes, undermines my discipline procedures.

18. Bit lip to keep from telling boss to rot in hell... Blood. 

19. Dropped children off with another teacher, left 20 minutes late.

20. Car wouldn't start in the parking lot without much hassle and embarrassment. 

21. Ryder throws temper tantrum ENTIRE. WAY. HOME.

22. Cry the whole way home

23. Get Ryder out of car-seat at home, go to check mail, Ryder shuts the goddamn garage door behind me.

24. Get foot almost shut in garage door trying to trigger the sensor to make it open again

25. Fling Ryder out of car. Another tantrum.

26. Try to talk Ryder into going inside. Another tantrum.

27. Spank Ryder. Feel like asshole.

28. Crock pot meal looks like vomit- need dinner alternatives.

29. Tell Ryder to get in chair for dinner. "NO NO NO NO NOOOO!!!!" tantrum.

30. Throw fish sticks in microwave to make Ryder shut up. Success.

My day sucked. I miss Michael. I need a drink.

Holy Fucking Christ

Yet again, another Christmas season is brutally forced upon me... despite my screaming and clawing at the calendar. 


I. Hate. Christmas. Season.


I don't mind the holiday, I love spending time with my family and watching my kid light up at everything that's handed to him, (and that's BEFORE he unwraps it) and the general spirit of things... but goddammit I hate Christmas music. Like, with a fiery, burning passion that consumes my soul for three solid months. 


Seriously. I was in Bed Bath and Beyond today and of course, my little boy-who is still to young to fully grasp my hatred- DEMANDED that we stop and play with EVERY singing toy in the Christmas aisle. Now, Mickey Mouse singing "Here comes Santa Clause" and the snowman singing the Frosty song were bad enough, but tolerable because he's little and it excites him, but holy shit balls I made the vital mistake of picking up a very tall and long-legged snowman. (The legs should've been my first clue that something was amiss... the hell kinda snowman has legs?!) 


I hesitated pressing the button, my inner alarms ringing on full alert, but this little smiling face of my unusually happy toddler pulled my fingers to the snowman's foot without my brain having any say in the matter. 


Do you know what assaulted my ears with the push of such a tiny felt button? Such an innocent, jolly looking, candy-red button??


Apple.Bottom.Jeans. APPLEBOTTOMJEAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?


Here I am, in BB&B, totally flabbergasted by this abomination I'm holding in my hand singing RAP music and (what the fuck?!!?) DANCING!!


So thaaaaaaaaaaaat's what the long legs were for. So this snowman (rather jolly looking) could get "low low low low low low low" much like drunk sorority sisters in bars, wondering why they'll never get married. Really? A happy little snowman tricked my son and me into listening to this filth that is overtaking the world around us. Seriously??? Who wants that shit in their house?? My brain has been scarred. Eventually I fumbled the spawn of Satan back to it's rightful place on the shelf, and ran the cart, with my still dancing 2 year old (bless his heart, he doesn't know any better) on to a different aisle. 


The memory makes me shudder. 


I hate this season. Bah Humbug. 

Mmm... doughnuts... and memories.

Yesterday was National Doughnut Day for all of  you who didn't know. 


Naturally, I forgot, so Ryder and I went and celebrated today. I forgot how quickly sprinkles make me lapse into childhood and I want to go running up the street with my best friend to the creepy abandoned shack and dare each other to go inside. We never went further that the first room, then we went shrieking back down into my yard, collapsing with giggles and calling each other chicken, but then quickly moving on to our next 8 year old adventure in the pasture behind my house. (Yes Chelsea, I was that kid growing up in the south with cows in my backyard. haha) 


Then, while licking the sugary goodness off of my fingers, I remember that she lives in New Orleans, is married, and has a beautiful new little boy. I rarely talk to her. Then it occurs to me that I have a 2year old screaming me back into total reality. I have a toddler, a Soldier, a wedding coming up, a job that kicks my ass on a daily basis, a car that needs repairs, a house to buy, an irreplaceable ring to replace, (but THAT is a whole other story... sigh) and not enough money to go around until my next paycheck. 


Where's the goddamn lottery? At least Michael will be home soon and certified to do pretty much ANYTHING that involves an engine or other interchangeable parts, and will be making damn good money doing it. I sure do miss him though. 


I think AIT is almost worse than BCT. With BCT I never got to talk to him on the phone, so going about my daily business was easier, because I could let the fact that I was so lonely I just wanted to curl up on the floor and sob until I threw up slip to the back of my mind. In AIT he calls me every morning and every night, with a smattering of text messages strewn in.... which I LOVE, don't get me wrong, but every time I hear his ringtone or get a text that loneliness coming pummeling it's way to the forefront of my mind like a freight train. 


He'll be home for Christmas, but only for 2 weeks (1 of which I'm working all week) and then I get to sleep alone again after just getting used to having him with me. 


January cannot get here fast enough. Wish I knew his graduation day so I could get plane tickets. 

To: Chelsea

Chelsea, you're my only reader..

this, I know, is true.

So I thought I would dedicate this post

as my personal ode to you. (:

We wear the same glasses

do our hair the same way.

We give work the (mental) finger

Every. Fucking. Day.

You make me giggle at work

with Liar Liar quotes

and you'd probably help me test

which kids drown, and which ones float.

That last line was pretty mean,

but I say it unabashedly

I trust you have the same humor as me..

jokes about drugs and blasphemy. 

I'm glad you moved to Georgia,

I NEEDED a mom friend 

that I could call and vent to

when I'm going to the edge

So Chels, you are awesome,

as we've decided before.

Maybe as awesome as me,

but I doubt it... ha ha. 

Lazy, Lazy days...

Had a pretty easy day at work, for once! Only fantasized about launching a small child into traffic once or twice! 

(That's an improvement)

Then I went and had Mexican food with my mommy and my punk little boy

Also had a delicious peach martini

Then I came home and played HARD with my silly little boy until we were both worn out.

Nowwwwwwwww I'm gonna take a shower and call my sexy Soldier.

I love the fact that he has his phone now.

Woohoo for Fridays! :D

Someone shoot me...

I.

Hate.

Webinars.

That is all.

Welcome to the ARMY

Bah.

Michael is officially in Fort Lee, Virginia and is away from me for an unknown time period. 

*sigh*

But, it's not like I DIDN'T know what I was getting myself into, although technically he was not a Soldier when I fell in love with him. (It's just an added bonus getting to show him off!) I sure am proud of him though, and these weeks/months between us are nothing compared to BCT, which I survived. (: 

I am a strong fucking woman, HEAR ME ROAR!!! 

Seriously though, I miss him, and I am kind of feeling alone and a little lost right now. 

Well shit.

So, I'm home. 


I got to see him. I got to love on him. I got to hug him and squeeze him and call him mine.


And guess what?


He proposed. 


Yup. You heard it. We were walking back to my car away from Hilton Field, he was carrying a ridiculous amount of bags and his military orders, and had a death grip on my finger. He would stop stuttering long enough to start forming a question, then stop, ramble about the wind, and start stuttering again. lol Finally (after I was picking on him about giggling "Soldiers aren't supposed to GIGGLE!!") he spit it out. 


"Perhaps you will marry me?" *Shifting heavy bags around, setting orders on the ground* "And let me love you, forever?"


Me- (out loud) "Ehh, perhaps." 


(In my head) "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! OFCOURSEOFCOURSEOFCOURSEOFCOURSE"


lol. I love that man. Can't believe how quickly our time together went. Take care of him, Fort Lee, VA. Don't make me come up there!!! 

My small ring, until the "official" one gets sized and ready

I love him with everything I have in me. 

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!

I can't believe that I'm actually going to see Michael THIS WEEK!! 
*Insert girly squeals here*


Seriously. I haven't seen the boy since August 3rd 
(That's 69 days, folks.)


I'm so freaking excited I'm seriously in danger of losing control of my bladder! I wish I could bottle up my excitement and sell it as an energy drink because I absolutely have not slept in like, Oh, I dunno, 10 weeks? -lol- but the past 3 days have been unbearable as I get so close. 


And he just called. I miss him so much!! 


I CANNOT BELIEVE I GET TO SEE HIM ON WEDNESDAY!!!!!


...these 2 days of work are going to fucking kill me. 

I love that boy.

Bah. 

Have I ever mentioned...

Have I ever mentioned EXACTLY how much I wish death upon despise Ryder's dad and his side of the family?

Because it concerns me exactly how much hate I can harbor for them. I mean, generally I am a very nice, very calm person. I know where my "zen" is and how to find it. I taught 1 year olds to massage their earlobes and "woooooosa" when they were upset, for crying out loud!! But the Cato's? I wish them nothing but misfortune... and by "misfortune" I mean a slow, painful, and lonely death. 


Can you tell I dropped him off tonight? I hate doing that. Oh well- time for laundry, and to finish packing to see my OFFICIAL US Soldier!! 


Oh indeed- tonight was Michael's Rites of Passage ceremony on base. They finally got their black berets that they've worked so hard for these past 9 weeks. Can't believe it's been almost 10 weeks since I've seen him!! Can't freaking WAIT for next Wednesday!! :D


More pictures! (Just for Chelsea)

First day of life

Told you he looked like the guy from LOTR, right Chelsea?
(That's my dad and my punk baby)

He still makes that face when he pretends to sleep.

I LOVE this picture!!

My soldier. <3

Run Japan!! RUN!!
(2nd Halloween, 15 months old)

Probably about 13 months.

Possibly my favorite picture, ever.

Dance dance.

The obligatory "About me" post. :)

Okay, so first off... I have one amazing little punk kid. 

His name is Ryder 

(which I totally got from watching boy meets world when I was 7)

Shawn's name in REAL life was Rider. I thought it was awesome- sue me. 

...what? No one watched that but me? Pfft. 

Anyway... I have a job.

 It pretty well sucks, but I like the girls I work with.

And the kids, they're okay too.

I teach, by the way.

If you count wiping noses and changing diapers teaching.

I teach them the ABC's!! 

I have, without a doubt, the most amazing man in my life.

His name is Michael

He is a US Soldier.

(Totally hot)

I really can't imagine my life without him, and going the past 9 weeks alone have REALLY sucked.

He graduates from BCT October 14th.

That's -next week-

I randomly pee myself from excitement.

That's normal.

That's about it. I'm pretty lame. I play with my kid. His dad sucks giant donkey balls, so I refer to him and his parents as "The Retard Convention" I really wish all three of them would get hit by a train.

Seriously.

Me pregnant... with STILL another month to go!! 

6ish hours old. :)

Probably a couple weeks old. I loved that shirt.

6ish weeks?

I loved that shirt too. He was probably about 3 weeks here. Maybe more. Who can remember?

I wonder where he gets these faces from?

Oh, riiiiiiiiiiight. Haha.

9 months. Won some contest at school.

13ish months. Silly boy.

8ish months.

9 or 10 months. The first time I ever turned him loose with a bowl of mashed potatoes. 

Water baby!! 

11 months